The Yellow Jacks Ministry of Reactionary Dialogue

Are You Kidding Me?

2005-10-10T18:17:00.000-07:00

This shit is so fantastic, i can't believe it exists:

The People's Republic of Yellow Jack.

Here's the explanation. It's a game of sorts, an online community based game, and you create a country. I created this one, obviously. Then, you're faced with issues and choices for handling them, and depending on the choice you make, it changes the way your country progresses. I am not making up the issues OR the choices, the COMP-uter does.

I thought I'd post the choices here, and y'all could vote in the comments. Then I'd pick that one, and it could be funny. Or maybe not. If no one pays attention or votes in a week from the post, then I'll pick the most ludicrous of all choices. So....

Issue No. 1: Should elections be compulsory?
(a)Obviously we cant force dummies to vote.
(b)We should force everyone to vote so there's a true representation of everybody.
(c)Why have elections at all? Just do away with the damn things.
(d)Ignore this issue altogether.
Voting on this issue closes on 10/16. Or whenever everybody says their piece.

Recidivism

2005-09-20T14:54:00.000-07:00

re·cid·i·vism (r-sd-vzm)
n. 1. A tendency to lapse into a previous pattern of behavior, especially a pattern of criminal habits.

This should be considered as the semi-annual attempt to reconstitute the Ministry. In considering the nature of this congress, this member has reflected upon the words, discounting the clearly schizo-affective reference in Yellow Jack's; instead, thinking on reactionary:

n. An opponent of progress or liberalism; an extreme conservative.

It would be almost ludicrous to suggest that any member is an extreme conservative, or even an enemy of liberalism. Still, if by progress we must speak of the neo-con revolution, the islamic revolution, the evangelical revolution, the UN-revolution #412, oil revolution, eco-lution, bannana revolution, and so on and so forth (remembering that a giant pile of sugar is too much for one man), well, frankly, opposition to progress as such would seem compulsory for anyone with a shred of decency. That, gentlemen, is one thing this posse has in spades. We may not have dignity, prospects, or even a basic grasp on time management, but dammit if y'all ain't the most decent sons-a-bitches a guy could know.

As far as the dialogue part of this experiment is concerned, there's another mix in the mail, plus the summer mix-up for those of you still waiting on it. And oh yeah, who's coming to visit?

Raise one for Doug

2005-09-17T10:46:00.000-07:00

Congratulations Doug on your graduation.

That is all.

Bitchez.

The Three Most Important Things In Life

2005-08-11T17:59:00.000-07:00

Sex, violence, and....labor relations?

Thought you guys might get a kick out of Harlan Ellison's wisdom.

reaction

2005-07-21T14:45:00.000-07:00

this time the bombs were smaller, but the reaction is still the same....

jiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii - HAD!

muslims confuse me. apparently, the only way you can operate is through a jihad of some sorts. they just cant say stop blowing stuff up, they have to have a jihad against it. i imagine it's like this in normal life. for example, going to the grocery store is a jihad against hunger, and school is a jihad against ignorance...

The Final Note

2005-07-19T16:03:00.000-07:00

The Yellow Jack's Summer Aught-Five is done, and have started to hit the mail. Here's the final list, and some notes:

Side One: (1)Roots, Radicals ...Stiff Little Fingers (2)A Shot Rang Out ...Black Star Brigade (3)Fight It ...Born to Lose (4)24 Hour Movement ...Section 8 (5)This Is England ...The Clash (6)Crash & Burn ...Transplants (7)Vida de Otario ...Cidade de deus

Side Two: (8)Little Sister ...Elvis (9)Call the Police ...Brain Failure (10)Scarlet Begonias ...Sublime (11)Policeman ...Silencers (12)Police ...X (13)Loack & Load ...Knocked Out Stiffs (14)Crawlin' ...The Sweethearts (15)Roots Raddics Dub ...Bunny Wailer

The Austin bands are linked to their sites. If you want to peruse the Austin scene virtually, go here: austin punk rock. A better option would be to plan a recon mission to Jack territory and just get your ass down here. Why not, really?
The Clash song is what got stuck on repeat in my brain on 07/07 which was not a good day at all.
In summary, the rest of you, go home and check your mailboxes 'cos I totally remember mailing music. Then, after you enjoy it, come to Texas. Now git 'er done.

This Ain't Nothin' Like Columbine

2005-06-27T18:17:00.000-07:00

In reference to the summer mix-up of aught-five in the green hills of a-tx 78728, here is the current set-list, presented for the debate, critique, and general malignment by the assembly of the Ministry. In other words, do any of you shites & fikes got any suggestions other than gay sleater-kinney (having established that words & guitars was
their last good song) ?? Do you now...

Side One: 1. Roots, Radicals, Rockers...Stiff Little Fingers 2. A Shot Rang Out...Black Star Brigade 3. Fight It...Born To Lose 4. Somebody Got Murdered...Clash 5. ~~Roots Radicals (Unplugged)...Rancid~~ 6. Vida Otario...City/God Sndtrk 7. Promised Land...Elvis 8. Guitar Town...Steve Earle

Side Two: Call The Police...Brain Failure 9. Crash & Burn...Transplants 10. Scarlet Begonias...Sublime 11. Policeman...Silencers 12. Police...X 13. Lock & Load...Knocked Out Stiffs 14. Gravedigger Blues...Beat Happening 15. Roots Raddics Dub...Bunny Wailer

受欢迎的同志!

2005-05-24T18:47:00.000-07:00

While the record companies maintain a death grip on the means of musical production, your Chief Architect is busily preparing himself for the arrival of the People's Republic of Rock. In the spirit of common sharing, I would like to offer my proletariat peers these two tracks. The first is a classic tune from Stiff Little Fingers titled Roots, Radicals, Rockers, and Reggae; they released it back in 1981, coinciding of course with the tumultuous start of the Reagan administration. The second is Bunny Wailer's dub version Roots Raddics Dub. These two cuts will be the foundation of the Aught-Five Summer in Texas mix-up, but that's all there is on the playlist so far; any suggestions? Finally, if anyone is waiting with baited breath for a Star Wars III review, t.s. Just kidding; very much worth watching it is.

This links got yanked jut like the Chief said they would, so if anybody didn't get the tracks, y'all have to ask nicely now.

Stiff Little Fingers
Roots, Radicals, Rockers, and Reggae
Bunny Wailer
Roots Raddics Dub

April 29, 1983

2005-05-22T11:15:00.000-07:00

i figure since people are using this again, i'd just give you guys something to laugh at. here is the transcribed account of chicago cubs manager lee elia's rant to a radio reporter at wrigley field on april 29, 1983...

“Fuck those fucking fans who come out here and say they're Cub fans that are supposed to be behind you, ripping every fucking thing you do. I’ll tell you one fucking thing, I hope we get fucking hotter than shit, just to stuff it up them 3,000 fucking people that show up every fucking day, because if they’re the real Chicago fucking fans, they can kiss my fucking ass right downtown and PRINT IT.

“They’re really, really behind you around here...my fucking ass. What the fuck am I supposed to do, go out there and let my fucking players get destroyed every day and be quiet about it? For the fucking nickel-dime people who turn up? The motherfuckers don't even work. That's why they're out at the fucking game. They oughta go out and get a fucking job and find out what it's like to go out and earn a fucking living. Eighty-five percent of the fucking world is working. The other fifteen percent come out here. A fucking playground for the cocksuckers. Rip them motherfuckers. Rip them fucking cocksuckers like the fucking players. We got guys busting their fucking ass, and them fucking people boo. And that’s the Cubs? My fucking ass. They talk about the great fucking support the players get around here. I haven't seen it this fucking year. Everybody associated with this organization have been winners their whole fucking life. Everybody. And the credit is not given in that respect.

“All right, they don’t show because we’re 5 and 14...and unfortunately, that's the criteria of them dumb fifteen mother-fucking percent that come out to day baseball. The other eighty-five percent are earning a living. I tell you, it'll take more than a 5 and 12 or 5 and 14 to destroy the makeup of this club. I guarantee you that. There’s some fucking pros out there that wanna win. But you’re stuck in a fucking stigma of the fucking Dodgers and the Phillies and the Cardinals and all that cheap shit. It's unbelievable. It really is. It’s a disheartening fucking situation that we're in right now. Anybody who was associated with the Cub organization four or five years ago that came back and sees the multitude of progress that’s been made will understand that if they're baseball people, that 5 and 14 doesn't negate all that work. We got 143 fucking games left.

“What I’m trying to say is don't rip them fucking guys out there. Rip me. If you wanna rip somebody, rip my fucking ass. But don't rip them fucking guys because they’re giving everything they can give. And right now they're trying to do more than God gave ‘em, and that’s why we make the simple mistakes. That's exactly why.”

and by the way, you all should check out another blogspot account for zisk magazine at http://ziskmagazine.blogspot.com.

The Boys of Summer

2005-05-18T19:44:00.000-07:00

Recess is over gentlemen. Jack has instructed me to assemble the Ministry of Reactionary Dialogue for a summer session. Briefly, all officers pictured above should feel welcome, nay, compelled to post for consideration various items of interest on a regular basis. These may include humorous anecdotes, shocking photographs, absurd news items, or personal business which may help others to pass the time. To the right of this frame, the Speak Easy Whiskey Bar is always open, hopefully with free-flowing liqour and some attempt at adolescent clowning. Furthermore, under the camerati menu are links to useful locations.

At any rate, I was damn near eaten by fire ants Friday, the 13th. No doubt this is due to the papcy of a German priest. Below is a photograph of my size sixteen giraffe hoof with the damage done.

Puff Daddy will be there. Martin Luther King III will too. And so will I.

2005-02-27T18:25:00.000-08:00

I'm heading off to upstate NY tomorrow morning, and by Thursday I'll be in Selma, Alabama for the 40th Anniverary of the voting rights bridge crossing march and "Bloody Sunday." Should be very cool. If you guys want to reach me until 3/8 just ring my cell.

Steve Jones Owes Me a Movie

2005-02-23T13:31:00.000-08:00

Steve Jones has a radio show on 103.1 in LA. Deep in the heart of cyber-space, I'm listening to it while battling an immuno-infection, and Jones is giving away some flick to the first three callers who can name the song he's whistling. While simultaneously bickering with Ciatog, I realize that it's Waterloo Sunset by the Kinks, and I begin frantically calling the station. The first dozen times those bastards hung up on me after a single ring, and then, finally, they just let it ring without picking up. I can only assume that they were watching the caller-id and incredulously muttering, 'What's this hick from Texas calling for?' while discriminating against me. Frankly, I am livid, and asking all visitors to call 1 877 900 1031 and tell them that Steve Jones owes me a movie.

Hunter S. Thompson commits suicide.

2005-02-20T21:25:00.000-08:00

You may've not heard yet, but Hunter S. Thompson shot himself earlier today.A huge bummer.

Here is a link to his last-ever article for his ESPN Page 2 column, Hey Rube: "Shotgun Golf with Bill Murray".

Though I've never been too terribly drawn to his fiction nor the lifestyle he espoused, I've long admired his style of journalism, his humor, and, let's face it, his extreme cynicism.

Clock'd With My Glock

2005-02-17T12:34:00.000-08:00

We've spoken about the violent struggle here and here, but Jack has never considered the effeminate needs of our sister soldiers. At long last the bourgoise-pig market system has filled the demand:

The next step is gathering Jack's army, or, as we prefer to call it, our very own Kill-Bot Factory.

Nakamura

2005-02-04T08:56:00.000-08:00

This guy sounds awesome, and it's a cheap deal for the dodgers.

From MLB.com:
Following in the footsteps of trailblazer and former Dodger Hideo Nomo, the 31-year-old Nakamura has longed to make this move. If you don't believe it, consider that he walked away from a guaranteed $10 million contract over the next two years in Japan to sign a $500,000 non-guaranteed minor league deal with the Dodgers only to fight for a job as a non-roster invitee to Spring Training.

"The money is not important," said Nakamura. "At long last I'm wearing a Dodger uniform. Now the challenge is to show what I can do."

Literal joy folks, no figures.

2005-01-30T11:29:00.000-08:00

What a beautiful day for Iraq. Here are some Iraqi voices...

freedom...
freedom...
freedom...
and more freedom...

A Doormat? Is That What She Made Me Lug Up From Memphis?

2005-01-28T21:02:00.000-08:00

Drink up ladies & gentlemen; here's a topic that hopefully appeals to the inebriated and nihilstic.

when i go to heaven.../st peter he will say.../how did you earn your living?.../how did you earn your pay?...
my reply was with a little bit of thunder.../earned my livin killin down under...
when i go to bars.../the girls they will say.../how did you earn your living?.../how did you earn your pay?...
my reply was with a cool kinda nod.../earned my living killing commies for my god...
when i go home.../the hippies they will say...
i replied as a pulled my 9.../get out of my way before i take your life...

Ignore the absurdity of d Nova working out to Marine cadence. Consider instead the notion of Purpose; how the work of the individual relates to society. The quoted words above belie a machismo of mission and an individual that grasps a simple understanding of his relationship to his culture. He can feel confident in his position; he can express his Purpose without uncertainty to God, lovers, and antagonists. He can not, however, place that purpose within a larger context. He has a purpose, but that purpose is only immediate.

Determining purpose in the events of the world is the act of writing a universal history, defined alternately as an attempt to find a meaningful pattern in the overall development of human societies(Hegel). Two texts out of Jack's bookshelf that deal with the modern incarnation of this concern are Fukuyama's The End of History and the Last Man, and Levy's War, Evil, and the End of History. Why the emphasis on the end of History? For Hegel, the end of history has been reached when society is universally just. Fukuyama's work was published in 1992, while Levy's was published ten years later. Any brief here would fail to do the texts justice, so it should suffice to reach the point...now: Fukuyama viewed the world with optimism, attempting to prove that the end of history had indeed been reached as liberal democracy and consumer capitalism swept the globe. Levy's travels to the Third World revealed and end of history that was stark and despairing.

It may be that the challenge of this time is choosing one End or the other, and frankly, they both seem desperately static. Thoughts? What purpose should an individual apply himself to? Is there a point in applying one's self to any of this?

Hamsters have enormous testicles in proportion to their minute body-size.

2005-01-28T14:55:00.000-08:00

THIS GUY IS AMAZING. READ THIS STORY. IT IS HEROIC. I KNOW DN IS OPPOSED TO CAPS BUT THIS IS FRIGGIN AMAZING AND WARRANTS CAPS.
that's right--60 bottles of beer.

Get the body you want...
...in Lynn, Mass.
Squats and thrusts and glory holes.

This clears up a lot.

But I had a suspicion.

Clean up after the tsunami, kiddies! And when you're all done, you get to play with the dancing froggy!
Tsunamis are fun!!

Quick thought on D-Lowe in Dodgertown

2005-01-11T14:35:00.000-08:00

Obviously, we all know Lowe signed with LA (the Dodgers, not the Angels of Anaheim). In another lukewarm offseason for LA, this is an awesome signing. This is why:

Lowe's ERA has been really high the last two years in Boston, but:
a) the stadium will be a better park for him to pitch in than Fenway.
b) more great defense in LA, as in Boston.
c) he'll reap the benefits of not having to face a DH, as he's not a power-pitcher.

Also, for money-motivated reasons, today's ballplayers often perform well after changing uniforms--even if it doesn't have pinstripes--at least for one season (see: R. Clemens). and Lowe proved in the postseason he's still "got it"--and now that we know he can perform under the most intense pressure (and the fact that he's changing coasts) the notion that he's a basket-case is long gone. If the Dodgers get to the playoffs, to quote D.C., he'll be HUGE!

My predictions for Lowe, taking all those factors into consideration, as well as the fact that he'll obviously have less run support: 14-16 wins, 3.60-3.90 ERA.

Other prediction: 4-6 wins and three months on the DL for fat-fuck Wells, but 15+ wins from Schilling and a Cy Young-caliber performance from Wade Miller...(har har)

I'm Exhausted After Twenty-Five

2005-01-01T16:09:00.000-08:00

"Son of man, set your face toward Gog of the land of Magog, the prince of Rosh, Meshech, and Tubal, and prophecy against him, and say, 'Thus says the Lord God, "Behold, I am against you, O Gog, prince of Rosh, Meshech, and Tubal. And I will turn you about, and put hooks into your jaws, and I will bring you out, and all your army, horses and horsemen, all of them splendidly attired, a great company with buckler and shield, all of them wielding swords; Persia, Ethiopia, and Put with them, all of them with shield and helmet; Gomer with all its troops; Beth-togarmah from the remote parts of the north with all its troops, many peoples with you." Ezekiel 38:2-6

The Year Twenty-Aught-Five is filled with dread and trepidation. Some of us will have seen a quarter century of Life, and truly, is the world any better? Probably not, which is also probably our fault. Mo Wiser has seen the big 2-5 and wound up in the Special Olympics. The fact is that twenty years on this planet was more than I ever wanted, and twenty-five is cruel and unusual punishment. Here's to 365 more chances to get the hell out.

A brief retrospective of 2004:
death eats bugs
worst neighbor ever
and finally you jerks can shut up....

This Planet

2004-12-29T11:37:00.000-08:00

Hey did anyone read this article?
we use hyperlinks here
When I emerged during the calm of my holiday-bender storm to go to work today, I realized you can't just leave reality for the week without the Earth getting all out of whack. . I'm not sure what I mean by that, but if someone has some money you should donate it to the tsunami relief. See ya.

Can He Do Espresso?

2004-12-20T17:31:00.000-08:00

Thank god for Mr. Bean. If this Law goes through in the (fc)UK, the Ministry of Reactionary Dialogue may be cut off from an important source of our audience: the Limey bastards who taxed our tea and pillaged our native white women. On the other hand, the law stipulates comedy, jokes as it were, and this whole operation here might not be very funny at all. Merry Krappy Kwanza. I'm fed up with the entire scenario, fed up to my freakishly high Adam's Apple.

Green Piece

2004-12-13T21:15:00.000-08:00

Ladies and gentlemen of the electorate, it has become evident that an evil force calling himself JTEllis has been running the show around here for quite a long while now. It's time for the madness to stop, so here is a peace offering: my first photographic work with absinthe. I realize that this borders on haughty pretension and many in the Ministry hate the French, though not nearly as much as my wife; if Jack didn't want me drinking the stuff he wouldn't have made it such an excellent emotional crutch.

Regardless, we are all breathlessly awaiting Ciatog's report on the olde country. Chicken Broth has requested, and been granted, a nomiker change, and will hence forth be known as The Shaper. A gay little cookie for anyone who can name the obscure literary reference.

Every Italian's favorite holiday is coming up...that's right, the Feast of Blasphemous Copulation. Enjoy, sinners.

total

Two Things

2004-12-08T15:58:00.000-08:00

1) An interesting take on Micheal Moore from Nader's perspective.

2) A transcription of dinner at the CC household, thanks to CC:
ma : "hey danny, you want a glass of milk?"
d : "milk? no i don't drink that shit."
ma : "well, you oughta. your bones will get brittle! chris, tell him."
chris : "yeah you'll get that fuckin thing, whattya call it, osteoporosis or whateva."
d : "yeah? who cares??"
ma : "for christ's sake, just have a glass of milk."
d : "yeah, WHUTEVA !!!!"

"An Ethical Quagmire"

2004-12-06T17:27:00.000-08:00

This is really fucked.